The sound of Silence
by Ierpier
Summary: "Regina, how could you?" The blonde whispered, her voice barely audible even in the overwhelming silence between them. "I thought you'd changed." (Swan Queen FTL AU)
1. Chapter 1

**If I owned OUAT Swan Queen would be canon.**

* * *

_"Regina." The brunette's name sounded muffled through the window, but the owner of the voice was unmistakable. When no reply came the blonde knocked against the window insistently until she saw the familiar figure moving towards the window. _

_"It's cold out here." The blonde whispered while repeatedly tapping against the window, urging the woman on the other side to let her in.  
"Come on Regina." She whined and punctuated her statement by clattering her teeth._

_Regina rolled her eyes but had to keep herself from smiling. She had never met anyone as impatient as princess Emma. But then again, she had never met anyone else who was prepared to ride through the bitter November cold and climb an apple tree bare-footed just to see an exiled 'evil' Queen before. She glanced at the blonde and smirked teasingly before opening her window. In typical fashion, the blonde was balanced on the branches of her apple tree, seemingly without weight as she stood between the blood red apples. The red apples complemented the bright red blush on the princesses cheeks, evidently from climbing the tree. She was dressed in a jacket much like the one she used to ride in, but a thicker one of lilac color with fur lining._

_It wasn't cold in the palace so Regina herself was dressed in a short dressing gown that left little to the imagination; especially after the sharp cold had hit the brunette's frame. The younger blonde let her eyes rake over the deep red velvet gown that the brunette was dressed in, momentarily distracted from the cold outside. The beauty of the woman that was locked away from the world would never fail to amaze and surprise her.  
"I thought you were cold dear. If I leave this windown, open any longer, I'm going to put on something warmer myself." Regina replied cocking an amused eyebrow at the dumbstruck blonde. This got the young princesses attention and she quickly jumped inside, snapped an apple from the tree and jammed the window shut.  
Regina glared at the move, but when Emma moved the apple towards her mouth and sunk her teeth into it, she decided against commenting. The blonde could eat her apples every night if it brought that look to her face. _

_Regina sat on her bed and wasn't surprised when she felt the blonde throwing herself on the bed next to her. The blonde moaned dramatically as she landed between the soft feathery sheets. "Gods Regina, what did you do to this bed? Mine isn't nearly as comfortable."  
The brunette chuckled but didn't give a reply. She thought of making a snide comment about the princesses mother, but bit her tongue. The nightly endeavors -she didn't dare call it a relationship -between the two of them were something she started to care about and she didn't want to risk this precarious balance of good and evil they had established._

_The two stayed silent for some time, listening to their own breaths, the beats of their hearts singing out into the night. But there was only so much time that Emma could lie next to the beautiful brunette without wanting to touch. Emma was not one to hold back from what she wanted, so without a word she stretched her hand out and pulled the brunette down to lie next to her._  
_Regina yelped at the sudden move and landed nearly half on top of Emma. Her legs were draped over the pale blonde's and she could feel nervous breaths against her neck. Emma moaned softly and Regina's heart shot up, until the blonde followed, complaining: "Regina your elbow."_

_Regina quickly moved her elbow from its resting place just above Emma's breast and rolled herself to the side next to Emma, now facing the younger woman. Emma's breath hitched nervously when she noticed the woman was much closer now than she had ever been before: their noses nearly touching, their breaths on the other's face.  
"Regina." Emma breathed out and the brunette brought her hand up to caress the blonde's face. Mesmerized by the emotions playing out on her face. People had always schooled their features in front of her, playing the role she assigned them to, but this woman seemed to be comfortable just being herself in her presence. Her eyes dropped down to her smooth lips that had slightly parted of their own accord.  
"Regina I-." Emma repeated, but Regina placed her hand over the blonde's lips. Leaning forward slowly, her heart thumping nervously into her chest, feeling alive again for the first time in years. She slowly moved her hand from the lips towards the blonde's hair and brought her lips down to press them against the inviting set in front of her._

_"I know why." Emma breathed out just before Regina's lips met hers. For just a second their lips touched, warmth flooding through them, before Regina stiffened and pulled her lips away as the words reached her ears. Her eyes sought Emma's, but she knew without looking what the blonde was talking about. She shot up, backed away from the blonde and wrapped her thin dressing gown tight around her, ready to put on her protective dresses and become the Queen everyone knew and feared._

_Emma grabbed her shoulder before the Queen could back away from her and forced her back onto the bed. She pulled the brunette to face her and pried her hands away from their safe haven only to wrap her own fingers around them. "Regina. I know why you're here. I know what you did to my mother. I know what you tried to do. I know who you used to be."_

_Emma felt the brunette clenching her fists in an effort to remain strong. She had expected Regina to explain or maybe to scream, but Regina stayed silent. Emma traced small circles over Regina's stiff and trembling hands before bringing her face closer to the brunettes and breathing against her cheek._  
_"Regina look at me." She pleaded, finally meeting the brunette's eyes again, surprised at the tears brimming there. Emma gasped at the tears and immediately moved to wipe the tears from her eyes, tracing her fingers over the beautiful face in front of her._

_"Regina. I know who you used to be and I don't care." She whispered against the brunette's lips before pressing her own to them again. She didn't do anything else, unsure of what was supposed to happen, but felt Regina slowly relaxing against her lips. Finally Regina pulled away and brought her trembling hand to the blonde's hair._  
_"Emma." She croaked out and bit her lip, searching for words, but keeping them in at the same time. Emma replied by pressing her lips against the brunette's again, wrapping her arms around her in a somewhat awkward, but comforting, hug._  
_"I know you're different now. You're not that anymore."_

_Regina felt tears tricking down her face as the blonde kissed her over and over again. Wiping away the stains of what she used to be, cleaning her soul from the darkness of the Evil Queen and bringing back the light that had once been there. She sighed and allowed herself to believe the words, if just for one night._

* * *

Regina stood in front of her mirror staring at her own reflection, but waiting for an answer to her question. The mirror was usually fast in bringing back news, but seemed to take it's time today. She tried to refrain herself from nervously tapping her fingers against the mirror, a habit she was pretty sure she picked up from the young princess that would visit her every once in a while. She smiled at the thought of the princess and kept her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her, the thought of the blonde keeping her waiting for the image to change.

The image did change, but instead of what she hoped, she saw something else appearing in the mirror. A streak of blonde and lilac appeared behind her own reflection and when she turned around the object of her thoughts was standing in the middle of the room. Emma stood in front of her, her golden curls framing her face as it would during their nightly encounters, but instead of her riding clothes or her nightgown, the princess was dressed in a lilac dress. The dress was creased and ripped and it seemed that Emma had tried to climb the tree while wearing it. What caught the brunette's attention, however, was the blood red apple in her hand.

Emma didn't say a word, she just brought the apple to her mouth and took a bite.  
"NO!" Regina screamed and sprinted towards the blonde, already preparing to catch the falling figure of the woman in front of her. Instead Emma let the apple drop down and slowly swallowed, tears streaming down her cheeks even before the apple had reached the floor.  
"Emma…" Regina called her name, but she couldn't form any words as she saw the look in the blonde's eyes. It was a look that she was all too familiar with: not hate, not fear; just disappointment.

"Regina, how could you?" The blonde whispered, her voice barely audible even in the overwhelming silence between them.  
"I thought you'd changed."

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Is it any good? Reviews keep me writing =).


	2. Chapter 2

_With a sudden burst the window to the Evil Queen's palace was thrown open, letting in the night air that the thick walls and large windows normally kept far away from the luxurious bedchamber. Regina turned around from her spot in front of her closet and lifted her hand in a reflex at the sudden intruder. A fireball formed in her hand to ward of any foolish knight that came to 'slay the Evil queen'._

_But instead of a knight there was a princess. A particular blonde princess by the name of Emma was standing in front of her, looking nothing like the playful, carefree spirit that Regina had grown to know and love. Her small figure was trembling, protected by nothing but a thin light blue nightgown. She had her arms wrapped protectively around her, shivering heavily even though it wasn't a cold night. Regina read a panic in her eyes and her eyes were filled with tears that she had failed to hold back._  
_Any thought of the Queen to chastise the young princess for using the window key that was only for emergencies left her mind. Instead she almost ran towards the girl and placed her hands on her cheeks. "Emma." She whispered and she tried to meet the blonde's eyes. Without thinking she took off her own deep red dressing gown and draped it around Emma's shoulders, rubbing her hands over the blonde's frame in an effort to calm her and warm her up. The blonde's breathing didn't calm, it only seemed to get more erratic with every touch by the brunette's hands. "Emma what's going on?"_

_it had been a long time that Regina had had to comfort someone like this. Usually she was the one causing people to break down and reveled in the misery of those that wronged her, or that she believed had wanted to wrong her. But seeing the blonde like this did nothing of the sort; instead it chipped away at her own heart with every sob and heave the blonde gave. A sharp pang of a memory rushed through her head, words by her mother that were proven to be right every time: Love really was a weakness.  
She shook away the thought of the past and focused on the princess standing in front of her. The misery in the past was a fact, but the misery in the future could maybe be prevented. She continued to rub her hands down the blonde's arms and wiped Emma's tears away from her face. Then she softly led the blonde to her bed and gently forced her to sit down.  
"Emma I'm going to make something for you. Okay? I'm not lea-." Before Regina could finish her sentence Emma had grabbed her hand firmly, clearly not intent on letting go. The brunette sighed in understanding and sat down next to the blonde, wishing she could somehow use her magic to know what was going on._

_"She wants me to get married." The blonde suddenly spat out, as if it caused her great trouble speaking the words. Having spoken the words, however, seemed to take a small weight of her heart and made breathing slightly easier. Perhaps it was really easier to carry the weight with two instead of alone. "She wants me to get married and have children and rule the kingdom and …"  
"You don't want to." Regina finished without missing a beat. Of course she knew why the blonde came running to her palace without even changing clothes, of course she knew why tears were streaming down her face and why her lithe frame wouldn't stop it's shaking. Some may believe that the Queen forgot who she used to be, but she always remembered how she had felt at the moments that everything started falling apart. She remembered what she had done and she remembered what she had needed the most, so without thinking she wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her closely towards her. The blonde sobbed into the brunette's neck for what seemed like hours until she finally calmed down, breathing in the faint scent of apples that seemed to singer around the former Queen.  
"She says I can pick any of the princes that will be visiting the party tomorrow. She says she just wants me to be happy. But she doesn't understand." Emma whispered against the Queen's neck and lifted up her head. Her hands framing the brunette's face, her fingers tracing the lines around her eyes and nose. "I don't want any of them. But she won't understand. She…" Emma fought against the tears and her throat closed itself around her unspoken words again without her permission. She lifted her eyes to look into the brunette's, that were looking at her with such overwhelming emotion that it brought Emma to tears again. When Regina felt the sobs starting up again the pulled Emma towards her without a word and started tracing her fingers through her golden curls again.  
"Emma it's okay. It's okay. It's going to be okay." She whispered, promised, tears streaming down her own face as the memories of the girl the used to be flooded her memory. She had always felt that the carefree, sweet and young Emma was miles away from her, but right now the blonde felt closer than she had ever been. _

_"It's going to be okay." She repeated it over and over again. And she believed that it would be, because she would do everything in her power to make sure it would be. She would do everything in her power to make sure that the blonde wouldn't have to go down the road that she had to go down._

_As she felt the blonde's damp cheeks against her neck and the soft, barely contained sounds reached her ears and overwhelming hatred for the woman by the name of Snow White flared up again, setting her heart aflame with feelings that she had tried to tamper for the sake of the woman's daughter. She continued whispering the promise over and over again until it become the only thing that mattered anymore._

_Everything was going to be okay; she would make sure of that._

* * *

"Emma." Regina breathed, the words 'I thought you'd changed' still resonating through her head as if her heart was keeping them alive with every frantic beat. "Emma I…"

"Regina, what could you possibly say that would justify doing … this?" Emma looked into the brunette's eyes, desperate for an answer, but knowing that no answer would be good enough. Nothing would undo the way the Queen had shown her true side once again. Nothing would erase the immense feeling of betrayal that had set itself in the blonde's heart. She had truly believed in Regina, and hope taken away had always been more dangerous than no hope at all.

Regina lifted her hand in an attempt to touch the blonde, but before she could trace the pale skin with her fingers the princess pulled back and stepped away from her. A lost tear falling down her cheek again at the sudden movement. Regina's mouth fell dry at the reaction and she couldn't look at the princess as the answered the question she had so desperately asked.

"Because I didn't want to lose you."

* * *

_"Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't here to hurt you?" Regina effortlessly stepped through the mirror and into the royal bedchambers. In contrast to her own, light was let in through the windows that seemed to span almost half the walls around the room. It was like Snow White wanted to show the world how 'good' she was by letting in as much light as was humanely possible._

The former Queen's assessment of the new palace interior got cut short when the new Queen turned around and saw her evil counterpart standing in front of her. Snow White reached for a sword, but found, much to her dismay, that she was dressed in nothing but a light white dress with golden embroidery. Not exactly battle armor that she'd rather wear when faced with the woman that had tried to kill her multiple times before. She decided that the next best thing was to show the woman that she no longer held any power in her palace and thus lifted her head up, speaking with a sharp voice that she reserved specially for the woman in front of her.  
"Forgive me if I do not. You are the last person I would believe those words from." Snow answered, keeping her head up high and fighting the urge to either run away, or fly at the woman in front of her. "You have no power here any longer. Now leave before I call the guards."

Regina chucked and shook her head. "Dear Snow." She punctuated the first word as in a biting comment and narrowed her eyes before continuing. "I didn't come here to assert my power, I assure you that you would have known that by now. I came to discuss something with you. A parley if you will."  
"What could possibly concern me that I wanted to discuss it would you?" Snow answered warily, still prepared to attack at any sign of the evil queen making a wrong move, even though both women were unarmed. Regina folded her hands in front of her and stepped towards the pale woman in front of her. "Your daughter." She answered on a whisper, allowing herself a small smile at the shocked expression that immediately fell on Snow's face, before it transitioned to anger, contorting her pretty features into a face the world didn't get to see very often.  
"What do you want with my daughter?" Snow growled and stepped forward, all possible fear immediately leaving her. Regina didn't back down and stared with slight amusement at the woman in front of her.

"What do I want with her? I think the better question is what does she want with me." Regina answered, intending to sound triumphant and defying, but ending up with an odd sense of pride in her voice. The reaction however was the same, Snow froze and lifted her eyes up towards Regina's.  
"What are you talking about. Have you been doing something to her? You have been corrupting her haven't you?! Regina I swear if …  
"What I am talking about is that your daughter comes to my window almost every night. Whatever could you be doing to her that she comes running towards the room of the 'Evil Queen' to fill a void in her heart?" Regina stepped ever closer to the woman in front of her, the anger that flared up in her heart filling her voice. "Perhaps it has something to do with you wanting her to get married to someone she does not love."  
"I am NOT forcing my daughter to marry someone she doesn't …" Snow shot back, but Regina cut her off before she could finish her sentence.  
"Don't bother. I know who you are and I know what you want. I know you will do anything to prevent me from being happy, but if you think I'm going to let you destroy your daughter's happiness because of it…"

"Regina you are NOT in any way her 'happiness'!" Snow yelled, stepping away from the woman and furiously stalking to the other side of the room. "I don't know what you've done to her, but I'm going to stop whatever Evil you have planned. I'm going to make sure she gets her happy ending and that sure as hell doesn't involve you." The queen named the fairest of them all stalked back to her former step-mother and glared furiously into her eyes. "Now leave Regina and never come back, and if I ever see you near my daughter I swear I will have you executed on the spot." 

_Regina glared furiously at the woman in front of her and it took all of her self-restraint to stop herself from killing the brunette right there and then. Instead the turned around and walked back through the mirror. It shattered into a thousand pieces to the floor after she had left, leaving Snow standing in a room clutching her chest, wondering what she could possibly have done to drive her only daughter into the arms of her mortal enemy. _

* * *

"What?" Emma snapped at the words, not understanding what the woman in front her meant by the her answer "This is you preventing me from leaving you? Regina, trying to kill –curse, whatever, someone's mother is not the way a relationship works! You can't just-"

"She would have made you marry someone you don't love! I know what that feels like. I've been there, I didn't want you to go through that. No one should get to decide that for you." Regina cut her off, desperate for the blonde to understand why she had done it. Desperate for her to see that it was the only way their love had any chance of surviving.  
"Regina you don't get to decide my fate either! You don't get to decide if my mother lives or dies!" Emma yelled in an answer, too angry and disappointed to notice the tears in the brunette's eyes or the emotion filling her thick voice. She heaved at the effort of yelling at the woman and tried to catch her breath, half expecting the Queen to yell back at her, but silence filled the room.

"I would have told her, Regina, and she would have understood, she would have understood that I didn't want the perfect family with some prince Charming by my side. She would have understood." Emma whispered, more to herself than to the brunette still standing in front of her. More to her own trembling hand and the apple on the floor than to the image of the woman she thought she knew.

"But she wouldn't have understood us." Emma slightly lifted her head Regina's words; breathed out in an uncharacteristically breakable and soft voice. The brunette lifted up her hand in some remnant of an urge to touch the blonde, but halted mid-air knowing that she wasn't allowed to stroke the golden curls or the porcelain skin any longer.  
"She would have taken you away from me." Regina croaked out, tears brimming in her eyes and a hitch in her breathing. Emma flinched at the words for a second, looking into the brunette's eyes before turning around and walking towards the window, opening it with resolute moments before turning around one last time.

"No Regina. She didn't take me away from you. You did that to yourself. I forgave you for what you used to be, but I can't accept what you've become."  
Emma stepped out of the window with one feet, casting once last glance into the bedchamber.  
"They don't know it was you yet, but they will figure it out." She whispered, almost too soft to hear. "Don't come after me, Regina. Not ever. We are done." With those words the let herself drop to the ground and disappeared from the brunette's chamber, from her palace and from her life.

"But I love you." Regina whispered into the night sky.

No reply came.

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**Whew, that turned out to be pretty damn sad. I was listening to Scala & Kolancy Brothers' cover of 'Everlong', which never fails to bring me to tears. Anyway, please review, I'm quite nervous about this chapter and pretty damn tired right now, so I hope there aren't too much mistakes.**


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